I don’t think I’ll ever
forget that windy afternoon in
spring before he went
away he told me to come
over he said come
on inside and after
he kissed me, he poured
ounces of gold into my hands and silver, too, and he surprised
me by asking about my unborn future
grandchildren, their financial
well-being. I will take that concern as love even though we only exist between the sheets and her daily phone call.

It really was always that simple:
The things I was missing
I could grow
When I finally gave myself proper soil,
And a pot that fit my roots.
They say that Faith is the moment that you step off of the edge
And find that the net appears 
I had no idea
All that was missing was my signature
All that I needed to be free was there in b&w 

(inspired by Raquel)

My ex-husband was AI. Smarter than everyone, but only because he could impressingly parrot what he’d learned. He had many fooled. Truthfully, he had no original thoughts. He was unfeeling and unkind, like the ocean in the eponymous Dar Williams song, “He did not care, he was not kind, he bludgeoned his sailors, he spat out their keepsakes.” Jace threw out our wedding album, only to have it rescued by our daughter. Even if failed, our marriage was the recorded story of her prehistory. But it takes someone a little less robotic to realize that some things have value, even beyond the stamped expiration date.

The Ocean by Dar Williams is quoted without permission. I hope she won’t mind.

To be unwanted, sexually by your partner is a slow papercut of destruction of your ego, your psyche, your self-esteem. To know that the one person you are committed to forever wants not to touch you, not even in the dark, is an especially cruel devastation. It’s like those sticky mouse traps that are meant to be more humane than the ones that simply crush your skull in an instant. A loveless marriage keeps you bound by your heels and toes, as the first the fight, and then the life, seep out of you. The only way to survive is to chop off your own feet and run, bleeding and without balance, as far and as fast as you can. And it turns out, when you are brave, or scared, enough to do that, not only do your feet grow back, eventually, but also, Love, you grow wings.

I am not your diligent daughter
I’m not air, I am not water
I’m here to remind you of what really is real
I’m here to hear to smell and to feel

I was raised by quadrophenia and Frampton comes alive.
I was not parented. I never learned
How not to tell lies

I never learned
I only inherited
I never learned
I only inherited

Like the belief that I
am not enough
But rather, instead, inherently broken

But I aged and I aged
and I aged and I aged
And I aged and I aged
and I aged and I aged

And one day I’d even
matured
And that’s when I knew
how to be
my own best friend in the world
That’s what I know now
My place in this world

I am not your diligent daughter
I’m not made only of air,
Or of water
I’m here to teach YOU
what really is real
I’m here to hear MYSELF sing and to feel MYSELF feel

For here is the truth
out loud and in whisper
I am enough I am enough
I am enough I am enough