Watching home movies alone one night in the townhouse I share with my dog and my daughters when they happen to be home I see the way you consistently failed to pick up on the clues that I’d leave for you requests that would come through glances and smiles please help me through you never do even when I say please put down the video camera I could use a hand here you find a way to ignore my needs and serve your own looking back at these films now I see the way that my blood simmered on the stove’s back burner until the heat began to rise and rise and rise, like a volcano dominant for thousands of years bubbling just beneath the surface until finally the crust could no longer contain the pressure and it crushed forward faster and faster all of the patience and tolerance of the past gone and one day kaboom I explode and with it all of us our family our home our children our marriage any chance of love that was left between us and the hope for friendship or at least kindness gone and I wear the Scarlet letter that will mark me for the rest of my life I bear the burden of being the one that caused our demise it was me it was all me for you cannot have it any other way but as I sit on the couch and watch those movies while the slow hours tick by on this Friday night in the townhouse I own and live in with my dog and our girls when they’re home I see the ways that I tried and the ways that you failed us.