“I believe in a man who taught me love is like the ocean. I believe you swam too deep.”

Several years ago, my daughter had the harsh but important experience of learning that someone she’d chosen as a role model revealed himself, inelegantly, to be flawed. The realization knocked her sideways for a bit, left her reeling from the truth: even good, kind, and well-meaning folk cause pain sometimes. Inadvertent, perhaps, but still burns. Part of that lesson is just the human condition. And part of it comes from a place deep inside children like her, like me, who live in a fairytale like place instead of reality. Because the truth of life can be a hard look. And, really, who wants to see that? Not her, not me.

When something cracks the blue sky and the puffy clouds burst open and the rain falls down and stings your skin, you realize, I have realized, living in a pretend world isn’t the best place anymore. Not for myself, for my growth, for my heart. She realized it, too. Perhaps at the price of some innocence. But at the same time, gaining the value of living in reality. Living in truth.

And so I, too, am stepping gingerly into my new world. Choosing to move on and to be grateful for what I’ve learned, and also for all that I’ve experienced. I may have believed in fairytales longer than I should. And I’ll take awhile to lick my wounds. But ultimately I’ll climb back out into the world, feel the sun on my face, and be happy, even for those who have taught me lessons I didn’t want to learn.

I believe in a heart that craves devotion. It’s what we have in common, me and everyone I meet. I believe in a man who taught me love is like the ocean. I believe you still are he.

“Believe” Lucy Greenman. Lyrics borrowed without permission. I hope Lucy won’t mind.