“Sometimes I see myself fine
Sometimes I need a witness
And I like the whole truth
But there are nights I only need forgiveness…” (My Friends, Dar Williams)

“I have this friend in a bright and distant town…” the song starts. Dar singing about her friend, but what I hear is a message for myself: The version who loves and accepts herself.

“She says ‘He’s writing something,
Hey now, why don’t you talk about it?”
And he doesn’t make a sound
He’s just staring at his coffee
And I know there’s all this beauty
And this greatness she’ll defend,
But I think it’s in my friend.”‘

Man, that’s me. The old me, anyway. Defining herself by the reflection of her lover on her face. But I’m starting to learn that the glow I can absorb from the beautiful sun around me, is really so much more about MY OWN light.

Four years ago I left a miserable marriage. And for a long time I believed that I was a miserable person — just because someone else saw me that way. But in these past four years, I have learned that I do not have to be defined by what anyone else sees or doesn’t see in me. Or anyone else’s reflection passed off as my own.

I am whole and worthy just exactly as I am.

I came into this world, all 5lbs 2 oz of me, fighting for survival, umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. That cord is gone now.

I am independent, I am happy, and I am free.

“She’s found a common balance
Where you do your work, and you do your love
And they pay you, and praise your many talents.”

“And I’ll act like I have faith and like that faith never ends.”

‘She says “You know I think you remember every part of me…”‘

I do. Now, I do.