“Sometimes life sends you gifts wrapped up in ridiculous packaging,” goes the song, Yesterday was like that…

In the morning, I learned from my 14 year old that my [now] ex-husband of 26 years got himself a new, athletic girlfriend. And that she was coming to the house for dinner. And that she doesn’t eat beef. Or lamb. (His two favorite foods). And also, btw, that he’s bought himself a new bike, to go riding together, with her. Twenty-six years ago I bought him a bicycle. To go riding. With me. (Which, he never did.)

Our marriage is over, but the grieving process of what we could not be is in it’s infancy. I’m feeling it hard.

I don’t begrudge him the girlfriend. He deserves joy in his life. But does he have to become for her, the man I always wanted him to be, for me?

Maybe he does.

And maybe he had it in him all along, but for whatever cosmic reason, I just wasn’t the person to bring it out.

And that’s okay.

Because: After I heard this news and I drove, hands squeezing the steering wheel for dear life, to the river–my grounding place–and through my, deep, primal sobs, was comforted over the phone by an old friend, who said all of the right things, I was able to go to work. And hours after that, I was on roller skates. Yes, roller skates.

Remember that old Melanie song from the 1970s?

Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
I think that we should get together and try them out, you see
I been looking around awhile, you got something for me
Oh, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key

Because while my husband has found someone, to perhaps, be his true self with. I, too, have found someone. A beautiful man, who sees me, and loves me, exactly as I am. We went roller skating. Just for fun. And it was. And it will be.

I’m ok alone, but you got something I need…
Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key.

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(Lyrics from Dar Williams’ “The Poignant, Yet Pointless Crisis of a Coed” and Melanie’s “I Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates” both used without their permission. I hope they won’t mind!)